Trying To Strike A Balance

The Surgeon increased the amount of fluid that is being drained from the ventricles in Mom’s brain at her appointment last week. He hopes that this will, over time, improve the results we are seeing in her memory. It’s a delicate process as draining too much fluid could result in the collapse of the ventricles (obviously a bad thing), and not enough fluid continues the memory and other problems she experiences.

In response to Mom’s increasing agitation over her car (including cursing & threats, and one day in which she called me over 15 times as well as calling various other local people in addition to calling me), Mom was put on a new medication to ease her anxiety and agitation, which seems to be working. The medication she takes to improve her memory was also increased, but she seems to be having a hard time adjusting to this so I am carefully monitoring her to ensure she is eating while her body adjusts.

She seems to be coming to terms with the reality that she is, indeed sick and needs assistance. I filmed the appointment with the Surgeon and him explaining the Hydrocephalus to her as well as the reasons that she is unable to drive. I haven’t needed to review it with her, yet.

So far her memory shows little to no improvement and she is very frail, but every day I look for any little sign that might indicate improvement, however; it could be months before we see any significant results, so I try to be patient, while continuing my prayers that she will eventually return to us.

What Next?

I’ve been putting off writing this post because it is so painful. As a follow up to my previous entry, Mom has been calling me every day, sometimes twice a day wondering “where her car is”, or “how we’re going to get her car home”. And I explain to her that her driving privileges have been restricted by both her Neurologist and her Neurosurgeon, to which she responds “Why? I’m perfectly healthy.“ Sometimes she remembers that she’s had brain surgery, sometimes she doesn’t. She accuses me of making up her medical condition and insists that her memory is fine and that no Doctor has told her that there is anything wrong with her.

I explain that I am happy to assist her with any of her needs and will take her where she needs to go; but she says that she wants to be able to do for herself. I sympathize with her, but explain that it isn’t possible for her to drive herself at the present time, and she needs to let me help her. She says I am imprisoning her because I don’t “trust” her not to drive the car if I were to leave it at her house. There is a physician’s note on her refrigerator stating that she cannot drive, but as she doesn’t remember the Doctor writing it, or discussing it with her, she doesn’t believe it. I’ve explained she is welcome to discuss the situation at our next appointment, and encouraged her to take notes about what he says while we are there…in her own handwriting so that she’ll have something to refer to after we return home.

Apparently she tells other people who call to check on her that I am very helpful and take her everything she needs. When I am at her house in person she is pleasant and seems to understand. However when she is alone and decides she wants something and her car isn’t there, she calls and the cycle starts over again. She has threatened to call the Police and report the car stolen several times. I’m at a loss on how to handle the situation and would welcome suggestions. I really don’t believe that she needs to be placed outside her home. She CAN take care of some of her basic personal needs, (although I assist with financial and housekeeping tasks) her memory and decision making abilities are impaired. I can’t bear the thought of her getting lost or hurting someone while driving when I’m available to assist her. I’ve tried to explain her medical condition but she says she doesn’t believe it applies to her. :sigh: