Reality Bites

It's looking more and more like the shunt surgery is not going to help restore Mom's memory. I discussed this directly with both the Neurosurgeon and his associate at our last appointment. His associate was more blunt with me (which I appreciated), but the bottom line, is that at six weeks after surgery they would have expected to see more improvement than we've seen (which is very little). The Neurosurgeon adjusted the amount of fluid that the shunt is draining, and stated he would be willing to make one more adjustment before making a final conclusion, but if the next adjustment does not result in memory improvement, he will agree that Mom is likely suffering from an underlying dementia/Alzheimer's disease.

I contacted Mom's long term care insurance about getting benefits approved, and they sent a Nurse out to interview Mom. The interview was very difficult as Mom became suspicious and angry, assuming that I was trying to have her "committed" and she refused to cooperate with the questions that the Nurse was asking her. Objectively, it was sad, because Mom's frustration began when she was unable to answer basic memory sequencing questions. She then told the Nurse that she continues to drive herself to all her Doctor appointments, picks up her prescriptions, counts out and takes her medications by herself, cleans her house, does her laundry, grocery shops, etc.... without any help whatsoever. (which of course isn't true), but was an obvious defensive attempt to appear competent because she felt threatened. There was lots of yelling and threatening directed at me for trying to control her and "put her away, and get rid of her". Both the Nurse, me and my son tried to tell her we were simply trying to arrange for someone to come into her home to assist her (and me) in remaining in her home so she would NOT have to go into a care facility, but she wouldn't believe us, and further stated she didn't want anyone coming into her home and didn't need any help. She also stated she wanted to get rid of all her Doctors and find one that would tell her she was "fine", because there isn't anything wrong with her.

The Nurse was concerned that Mom actually needs a full time care facility as she isn't convinced that Mom will allow someone to come in to assist, so I told her to write her report as she sees the situation, but I would like to TRY to have someone come into the home before I move her into full time care.

The very next morning after this traumatic incident, Mom seemed to have no memory of what had happened, and we proceeded with the above mentioned appointment with the Neurosurgeon.

She has since conceded that she is sick and needs help. I have asked her if she feels like she needs to be in full time care, but she says she needs to be at home for her cats. I have assured her that I will take care of her cats, but this is a delicate matter for the moment, as she obsesses over it - much more so than she has over the car/driving issue. The insurance company matter is still pending, but I should have some options within the next week, so I should be able to start comparing care agencies soon.

It will be nice to get a bit of help.